Liberation of the Unknown

Disclaimer: Logical imagery of the mind of a crazy person in the second paragraph.

Why must we have decisive opinions?

As a logical person, I have a tendency to need to understand a situation in various perspectives. A situation is like a point; a one dimensional figure that is able to participate in multiple dimensions. By that I mean, there are all these little points around the main Point (let’s capitalize the main point from now on) and they all join together to form a sphere around it. These little surrounding points are perspectives. An infinite amount of perspectives. I have always needed to feel like the sphere was mostly complete in order to be comfortable with a Point. I have always needed to overthink to the point of confusion.

Now you see how crazy my mind can get. I used to take any situation, think of all the outcomes possible, their probabilities, and how that outcome would affect each individual related to it. Not just that, but how each individual would feel/think as well as how they ideally should react; because I would also calculate the outcomes of each of their unique reactions and which would give them their best outcome. Unique, yet somehow predictable.

Predictable, yet painful. It is absolutely jeopardizing to consider all of this for every situation I come across. So I have dedicated myself to stopping. Yet why do we do this to ourselves? Why must we need to know things? Can we not be content with the current situation while still aiming for others?

Recently (yesterday), I was faced with a strange situation that sent me back to high school English class: “To be, or not to be? That is the question.”. To make one definitive decision or another? I chose neither. I chose neither to a yes-no decision! Oh how liberating that felt! Because it is my life and I do not need to decide what I don’t want to decide. The situation would require me to overthink and analyze different points of views and assume things I don’t need to waste my time assuming. So I refused to do just that.

I have lived my life making oddly accurate assumptions, and I have lived my life in a constant state of monotone. A state where good things were nice and bad things were expected. A state where emotion was diminished because “I saw it coming”. So no, I made no decisions yesterday, and I suggest you do the same sometimes. Certain things may unravel by themselves and when time comes to make some sort of choice, things will be clearer. Deciding things unnecessarily ahead of time is just dumb. A waste of energy and worry.

Living in the moment does not mean forgetting about the future. It means knowing what must be decided now and understood now and how to make that distinction. I understand the situation I am in. I do not need to have a concrete opinion on it. For that I am relieved. Free. Liberated.